DC Trawler

This Whole Russia Thing Is Romney’s Fault

Mitt Romney

If you’re like most Americans, you know exactly what President Trump did or didn’t say to the Russians, and you’re 100% positive whether it is or isn’t grounds for impeachment and removal from office. This new information fits right into the worldview that you’ve been cherishing and protecting every waking moment. But no matter who you are or what you believe, we can all agree on one thing: This is all Mitt Romney’s fault.

Remember this? Remember when everything this man said was true, or else you were a racist?

And back then, that was true. Why else would Obama say it?

That’s where it could have and should have ended. Once President Obama declared that Russia was no longer a threat, that should’ve settled the matter. Romney should’ve stopped saying bad things about Russia. He should’ve stopped provoking them by contradicting Obama.

But noooooooooo.

Well, we all know what happened next. Romney kept talking trash about Russia, and Putin figured, “Let’s give ’em something to talk about.” So he started hacking our elections and planting spies everywhere (just ask Louise Mensch). Suddenly Russia, which hadn’t been a threat since the ’80s because Obama said so, decided to behave the way Romney said they did.

So now Trump is going to get frog-marched out of the White House for treason and whatnot, and President Pence is going to throw the entire LGBT community into concentration camps and shock their genitals till they’re not gay anymore, and America will turn into The Handmaid’s Tale if it isn’t already. All because that jerk Romney couldn’t keep his big trap shut.

Nice going, Mitt.

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